“Do you want to try the medication ?” Dr. Clayton asked me.
”Of course I don’t. I should be able to fix myself,” I replied.
I was resisting wearing the label depressed. I write a blog and teach others tips on how to push themselves to the next level, and here I am, not finding joy in a walk through the park. I know all the right things to do. All the right things to tell myself. I have studied for this moment for years.
When I trust the process, I am open to it showing me my messy parts. I am open to revisiting what I have yet to face. My biggest struggle is with my role as a mother. I don’t have much of a support group, and I don’t feel like I am good at it.
Its not because I have problem children, but because I keep comparing myself to everyone else. I am looking for perfection, which on the surface I know does not exist. Unfortunately, I am driving my boys crazy trying to make it exist.
I am probably also driving them crazy preaching one thing and then fussing when they do it. How can I truly get upset with my youngest for not conforming? I am the one that told him never to conform. It’s like I’m telling him, be yourself, as long as yourself is what I say. “Ouch,” I’m that mom.
I realize I am not taking my own advice. I am concerned with what others think. I am concentrating on the negative stuff. I am counting lack instead of blessings. So even if I have to take antidepressants, I am willing to walk through the process and trust I am doing the tight thing for me.
Starting over at step one
This time out I am on is a chance to go back to the drawing board. It’s time to go within. Listen to intuition. I hear the answer, and it’s actually been yelling at me for some time now. Up until now, I just kept saying it was impossible.
The famous quote by Henry Ford holds true here. “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.” The answer I was shown is not impossible. I just don’t feel confident taking on the task. If I were the coach in this situation, I would say, so what. Not because I did not care, but because I know confidence comes with doing. What I am feeling is normal.
Isn’t that what holds most of us back from becoming entrepreneurs or changing careers? We don’t feel confident. We feel like frauds. We aren’t sure if we can actually pull it off.
All things are truly possible. The problem is we lack belief in ourselves. Instead, I encourage you to rely on your knowledge and your experience. A friend was just telling me her husband is worried about accepting his new job. She reminded him that he had to learn proprietary software at his last two places of employment. He is very capable of doing the same at the new one. She understood the underlying fear was change. He has both knowledge and experience to do the job.
Keep moving forward
Be okay with making mistakes. Just be open to learning from them. Our journey in life is to keep moving forward. As a mom, I am learning and teaching at the same time. At the end of the day, I ask myself if I made any progress. If not, what do I need to do differently?
I am constantly asking myself and my kids, what would it take? I am asking you the same.
If confidence comes from doing, then what would it take for you to do?
If you don’t have an immediate answer, then just do it anyway. You’ll find that the answer will come as you go. It will come in the form of an email, a friend, or even a blog. Just start taking steps.
And, believe in yourself.
You are so worth it!