I feel like at this point I am dusting myself off. I fell down. I scrapped my knee. Then I just sat there in the dirt feeling my pain. Now it’s time to get up. It’s time to heal. Time to forgive myself.

The first question I have to ask of myself is, how are you going to recover?

Fortunately, I planned ahead. I asked myself a year ago what obstacles could I expect. Although it was a little different this time, I learned from my past what I could expect. This time I had a full fledged meltdown in public. I had to go to therapy. I had to deal with my my shadow parts.

I learned I am stronger now. Good thing. My son didn’t stop being himself and decided to pull another transgression. Because of it, I had to again deal with my family letting me know how they felt about my parenting. This time, I stood up for myself. I let them know that all decisions would be made by his father and I. Co-parenting is new for us. He had his rules when our son was with him. I had mine. It took 13 years to learn that didn’t work.

Something else new is I realized is that I am not going to defend myself. The same as I tell my kids, you ask me a question, I answered, that is the end of the conversation. I have to be the same with the adults in my life.

I am who I am, as Popeye would say. I can’t stop being me. I explained that to my 15 year old. “You keep taking me out of my personality and that is not helping either of us.”

This brings me back to the light. My business coach taught me to forgive myself. For a moment I had to see myself through the eyes of others to be reminded of my authentic self.

So I ask myself, how am I going to handle the obstacles I now face. Some are self inflicted. However, the advise I would give is this: Let go of the pain. Keep the lesson.

As I let go, I make a plan. I commit to check in daily. I pray. I feel worry come over me. I pray some more.

I have also removed the statement, “I have to fix this,” from my self talk. Just like I can’t raise a 15 year old male by myself, I can’t “fix” anything by myself.

I revisit my plan in the morning. I revisit my plan in the evening. I see what’s working. I see what’s not working.

I see what needs to change and I take action.

So, we re-calibrate. What’s working? What’s not working? Who can we reach out to for help? And most importantly, we move towards action.

That is how we recover. We move forward. I heard someone say, “You can’t drive forward looking in the rear view mirror.”

How true that is!

Breathe.

Forgive.

Move on.

You are so worth it!

-Portia